Mindfulness when being sexual also means distancing -defusing -from any evaluative or worrying thoughts and feelings we may be having, treating them like unimportant background noise. For the conversationalist, mindful focus means focusing with curiosity what is being said in the moment, and saying whatever comes to mind naturally, without scripting.įor the man being sexual, mindfulness means focusing our attention on any or all of the pleasurable sensations we are experiencing in the moment–touch, sight, sound, smell, taste -as well as focusing on any pleasant emotions we may be experiencing -excitement, affection, enjoyment. For the actor, mindful focus means throwing herself utterly into the role, and saving evaluation until the performance is over. The constructive alternative to self-monitoring is focusing our attention on the experience in the moment, and to to treat any self-evaluative and worrying thoughts as unimportant background noise. Ironic, isn’t it?! We’re doing all this self-monitoring and self-evaluation in an effort to make things go better, but that strategy backfires badly on us! Mindful focus: being in the moment, not in your head The same is true for people making conversation…or making love: monitoring and evaluating how we think we are doing, and worrying about the other person is reacting to us, tends to have a negative impact on how well the conversation or the sex goes, and how much we and our partners enjoy it. But if the actor is monitoring and critiquing her performance while she is performing -and worrying about what the audience is thinking while she is acting -she is likely to perform less well due to distraction and self-consciousness. Certainly it makes sense that the actor wants to please the audience. Let’s take an example of a true performance in front of an audience: an actor (or other stage performer, public speaker or athlete). This vicious cycle occurs in all sorts of social anxiety: making social conversation, speaking in groups, performing on stage…or having sex. Stage fright: vicious cycles & self-fulfilling propheciesĮvaluating our “performance” while we are performing typically results in hurting our performance. ![]() In addition, these medications sometimes have the effect of reinforcing the tendency to focus on “performance” rather than pleasure, which keeps the problem alive. In addition, there are medications available that can help with these sexual problems, although sometimes with side effects. But if you are unsure, consult with your physician first for an assessment. ![]() If you experience these problems frequently while being sexual with someone else, but seldom experience them while being sexual by yourself, then it is unlikely that a medical problem or medication is the principle cause. These sexual problems can be caused by various medical conditions, or may even result from-or be made worse by-various medications you may taking. This in turns often results in bringing about the very problem they were worrying about in the first place: erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or difficultly experiencing orgasm. This performance mindset leads many men to be self-conscious, self-critical, worried, tense and anxious while being sexual. Keep in mind he thinks I'm asleep during all of this.“Performance” anxiety, indeed! That’s precisely the problem: thinking of sex as a performance, as something we are doing that is being scrutinized and evaluated by an audience. ![]() This was the best sexual experience I've ever had and so far it's happened twice more after the first incident. So I kept stroking his penis (both my hands could fit on his penis and there was still like 4" to spare) and I felt his piss (he haven't developed semen yet) drip down my hands. I came after like 2 minutes and he swallowed. While I was stroking his penis he started sucking mine. Now my penis is extremely small 3" hard and I'm pretty developed with tons of pubes and an extremely deep voice so as my hand felt his penis I got hard. Like llitteraly not an exaggeration or anything 11" long and he has barely even hit puberty and had no pubes whatsoever. After 2 minutes he unbuttoned his pants and put my hand on his hard penis (keep in mind he is only 12) and it was huge. So me (13) and my best friend (12) were having any normal sleepover and when he thought I was asleep he took my hand and just put it on his crotch.
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